-serenity- 2nd chances

[Hayden Logan]

&& will "i'm sorry" ever be enough?

"Let's see, how about, I'm sorry? Or, maybe, forgive me? How to phrase it? There's just no way to repair such damage! I should be partaking in such business to begin with. It's wrong, it's dangerous. Alice and Rose, Frank and Chris, they'd all be ashamed!" Hayden murmured to himself as he paced back and forth on the ancient looking wood bridge. He ran a hand through his mess of bronze locks and sighed. His expression was lost, confused, yet still polite and filled with that same regret.

"What will she say? She's probably just as confused!" He stopped at the edge of the bridge, placing his elbows on the ledge and moving his fingertips in small circles at his temples. Vampires couldn't get headaches, could they? Hayden ought to know, he was the eldest of his 'family' aside from perhaps Frank. Alice, no one was sure of, but guesses had always pointed to a younger life. Although she had the most control. No, she used to have the most control, now Hayden did. If he could handle being with Serenity alone, he could handle anything. Or so it seemed. This was beside the point.

He stared down into the foggy depths of the ridge. It had rained the night before and the sun was fighting its way through the misshapen clouds above. It was just past noon and Hayden had sent Serenity the note a day before. It was a note begging her to just come talk to him today at this location. He needed to clear things up, heal the wounded conversation which had occurred only two nights earlier

It was unfair to her. He knew he'd hurt her. He should not have been so overly realistic. In truth, he was afraid that she really did love him. He knew he'd loved her for a long time before their little encounter. He knew that he had always had feelings for Serenity Faywood, from the moment they had first met. To hear her return such feelings was unreal. He couldn't change what he was though. Nothing would change the fact that he was a creature, inhuman. Serenity belonged with someone the same. She belonged with someone who had a soul.

He wondered what his family would say. He had ought to meet with the others to consult them soon. He couldn't stand just sitting aside and watching Serenity throw away her life had he returned those three little words. Three words could change a person, how he viewed the world. Hayden knew that he could say them, but he didn't want to shatter her life, he didn't want to ruin her.

[Serenity Faywood]

&& Sometimes there isn't anything to be sorry for...

This day was not a good day for Serenity Faywood, she felt sick and tired, but she wanted to meet with him. Serenity wanted to talk things over with Hayden, the words that he said that night never left her mind and it was a matter of time where she should just forget about it, maybe even start things over. She had wondered how would this turn out, she hoped it would be ok. Lately she had blamed herself, he was right, people didn't just fall in love randomly in corridors at night. Sighing wasn't going to do anything to her and she knew that, but she just couldn't help it, things weren't working out for her lately.

Serenity froze standing, she could see the bridge now along with Hayden. Just some more numbers of steps and she would be down there herself with him. She looked down at her beige boots, she bit her lip and was nervous. Bringing up the courage like a true gryffindor, she proceeded forward, watching each step she took. Serenity froze again, she just reached a wooden ground and sighed when realizing it was the bridge. Serenity looked up and saw Hayden perfect as always in her opinion but the expression didn't look as perfect, he was definitely thinking something.

Great, she thought in sarcasm and now carefully thinking of what to say now. Serenity took a few steps forward to Hayden. "Hey, Hayden...," she couldn't say anything else, but she still struggled on what to say. Serenity had decided to zip up her brown sweater since she just noticed it was a cold day. "Please don't stress yourself on this, what you said to me was right, and I was probably just a bit too desperate." Hoping she didn't mess anything up she looked down at their feet.

[Hayden Logan]

&& you'll never be wrong...

And then he spotted her, from the corner of his eye as she walked down that bridge. He heard her beautiful voice speak the words he;d been dying to hear the past few days, just a simple hello. It was an acknowledgment that they were both there, that it was their own moment to have. Hayden turned, seeing that she could not stop at just hello. He looked down at her carefully, trying to guess what she was thinking. And then her words came tumbling out. Or perhaps that was simply how Hayden heard them.

"No, no, no. This is all wrong. Serenity..." Hayden began. He didn't know how to start. "I'm not stressing. I'm just, sorry. The way I acted... Well, you're not too desperate." He tried to find the right words. For someone who was capable of speaking so eloquently, he was fighting for the right words to speak very hard. "I was frightened. Not how you would imagine. It's just, you don't need a guy like me Serenity Faywood." He started in for real this time.

"When you said those words, it wasn't that I didn't ant to hear them. You have no idea how I feel about you. You can't feel that way though. Serenity, I'm dangerous. We can't be together. You can find someone far better than the likes of me anyway." He tried to smile. He knew she could do better. You know, a nice typical guy around school. The kind that she wouldn't be afraid might kill her. Yeah, Serenity could do a lot better.

"I need to speak with Alice. Perhaps you should too. It's just not safe, especially not now. It's not that I don't like you. You're perfect. I just, I shouldn't do this. It's not in your best interest to be with someone like me." Hayden offered and turned away from her, looking out over the ridge once more. He couldn't take looking into her eyes, hurting her, making her upset, or even giving her some false hope. He wanted to be with her, but he knew it was not what was best for her. He really did love her. How could he be so afraid to admit such a thing!

[Serenity Faywood]

By this point she would cry but Serenity was just too confused. What exactly did Hayden mean by 'dangerous'? In Serenity's eyes he was an angel. "Um, I can't help asking but are you... hiding something from me? I really don't understand... how is it no safe? And your not dangerous. Help me out here," Serenity looked at the reflection of them both on the water as she said this. Serenity wanted to see his face, his expression.

"How are you dangerous when only two nights ago, you saved me. Well it's not exactly saving me but you get what I mean. And I will never in my life forget about that." Even if she was happy when she said it, she sighed. Serenity felt like she messed up a lot, she knew she did and Serenity knew that if she never had said those words, they would probably talk till daylight came.

Serenity finally looked away from their reflection and started looking at the world around her for a change. She rarely visited this place, the area was pretty. If their conversation wasn't this serious, then without a doubt she would bring her art book and draw the scenery. Though the weather wasn't that great she still thought the mist would make the drawing look interesting. Now all this river needs is some ducks, she thought it'd make the place look more interesting then it is.

Serenity put her hands on the rail of the bridge and leaned on it, gazing at the mirror before them once more. It had never caught her eye before, but Hayden looked so pale that she began to wonder if he wasn't feeling so well. Curiosity always took the best of her her, " Hayden.... um.... are you feeling sick by any chance? You look as pale as a skeleton." Serenity hoped she didn't offend him in any way but she felt worried about him. Then again she was sick too and so she wondered if there was some sickness going around. The only odd this was he was deathly pale while she at least had some color in her skin.

[Hayden Logan]

Hayden sighed and looked in Serenity's direction. "Yes, I've been ill for a while now." He offered with a shrug and a secret sort of smile. How could she ever understand any of this? Try a hundred years of illness Ren. He thought for the sake of his own amusement. He wished he could read her mind for just a second. He wished he could see if she really was focused on the conversation or if she were a million places at once. He stared down and then closed his eyes. Light danced through the fog and splashed across his lavender eyelids. He needed to find the right way to tell her. He just didn't know how. First thing was first though, he needed Alice's help in keeping things quiet. He'd have her talk to Serenity later, you know, when Renity ran away from the monster Hayden really was.

"I'm not like you." He tried in response to why he was dangerous. "It's not very easy to explain. I'm not like very many people here. My family and I, we're different Serenity. Frank and Christopher Longbottom too, they're like us. My sisters and I are not normal people. We're not normal wizards. We're..." He couldn't say it. It was against the rules to say it. "I can't tell you what we are." He sighed. He opened his eyes just a peek and turned back to see Serenity's wandering eyes. "You're not supposed to understand. I never should have let you get into this situation to begin with!" Hayden sounded angry now and he wondered if he still had her attention at all. He was more angry with himself than her.

"My past is not the same as yours. If you knew the things I do, if you'd seen the things I have!" He stopped himself, fists clenched, face angered. No matter how hard he tried, he could not be the one to explain to Serenity why he was the way he was. It was too hard, it was too dark a past to dwell on any longer than anyone had to! He leaned over the ledge once more and covered his face with his hands.

[Serenity Faywood]

"Im sorry," she said in between sobs. His anger upset her, she felt like she was the cause of it. Serenity looked away from the reflection and Hayden, she didn't want him to see her crying. "But why can't you just tell me, what do you mean you aren't a normal wizard and what situation? Im so confused. Please, please just tell me. I will understand, I know it just trust me!" Wiping her tears, she tried not to look upset, she wanted to be strong, she wanted figure out this... problem, that's what she would call it.

Serenity turned around to look at him and sighed, "why won't you even look at me?" She moved closer to him she wanted him to look at her. Serenity touched his hands, she wanted to take his hands away from his face but quickly let go in the process. He was ice cold. At first she didn't know what to say him, she was just too surprised. "Hayden.... you must be seriously ill, if your that cold. Did you see Madam Pomfrey?" Serenity wondered what type of sickness it is, she had never met a person that freezing. Did he even feel cold himself?

[Hayden Logan]

He could tell he was upsetting her. He didn't mean to. He didn't want to see or make her cry, ever. Hayden felt a huge pang of guilt beside the emotions already killing him from within. He couldn't manage to keep the anger from his voice. "Think Serenity. How often have you seen me eat anything in the great hall? Or Alice or Frank or Rose or Chris for that matter? How often do we leave school? We're out of grounds far more often than anyone else in our years or houses. I'm freezing cold to you. I'm pale. I don't sleep. Never mind..." Hayden was becoming more and more frustrated by the moment. And it wasn't Serenity's fault at all. He could hear her muffled cries and felt the guilt wash over him in a massive wave.

He wrenched his hands away from his face in such a swift movement that he hoped Serenity was not watching or else she would having something else to add to the list. He pulled her close to him and held her in a hug. He gave her no choice, the movement was far too fast. Inhumanly stealthy. He held her loosely. Well, loosely to him, it must have been cripplingly tight for her. He loosened a little bit more and took in her smile, her warmth, her radiance. His voice became soft, a secret he was sharing with her alone. "I can't be with you because I'm a monster Serenity. You wouldn't want me to begin with. Not if you really knew. And please stop asking me to tell you. Just ask Alice, she has better answers than I have. If she tells you, it won't be as big of a let down. It's okay to be friends with things like us, but what you want to be to me, what I want to be to you, is not safe. Can't you feel the danger? Can't you feel how much harm could come your way in a matter of seconds, less than seconds?" He tried to make her understand. How he wished he could take it all and force it into her mind. How he wished he could read her mind, see the colors, feel the beauty of her mind. In those brief glimpses he'd been given on the few moments he could see into her mind, he saw only the most beautiful things in her terror.

How could he think of harming such a beautiful creature! The guilt came back in a rush. He felt the smooth satin of her dark hair against his icy fingertips. He was probably making her freezing, but it was like that night all over again. He simply couldn't manage to let go. He wanted to hold her, protect her, make all of his mistakes and birth flaws vanish in the mere blink of an eye. And for creatures like him, the blink of an eye was much, much faster than any human or wizard could possibly imagine. He wanted the warmth of her skin touching his to last forever. He wanted to feel that gently thud of her heart beating. He wanted to hear the sounding of her fastened breathing. He knew that, had he been human as well, his heart would beat as rapidly as hers did.

"I only want you to be safe Serenity. You are the most important thing in my life. You are my life. But that's what makes this so dangerous. this relationship is impossible. What you want, I can't hurt you any worse than I already have. I will hurt myself so that I won't hurt you." He tried to explain but only ended up sounding mildly suicidal and like more of a freak by the second. He couldn't tell her. He could not bring himself to come forward and tell Serenity Faywood what he really was. He couldn't tell her exactly what kind of monster she needed to fear the most.

[Serenity Faywood]

Everything went too fast for her to understand, far too fast. Serenity couldn't understand how he hugged her when Serenity could have sworn she saw Hayden was still leaning on the rail. Instead Serenity ignored that fact for now, and just focused on the moment. Serenity looked into his warm amber eyes, ever since that night she though he would never dare to hug her again, and yet he did. Warm tears started to leak from her eyes and she put on a slight smile, she was just happy. "Please don't let go of me...," her voice was a whisper when she said it, she didn't want this hug to be broken, not just yet. She focused on the touch of his hand, it was like glass to her, it was cold and hard and still she loved it, the only difference was that he isn't as breakable as glass is. Her head was buried in his chest as he hugged her, Serenity was trying her hardest to figure out what he meant by using the given clues. It was only then when she had heard nothing from his heart, it was impossible and frightening to her, he would be dead.

"Hayden, is your heart.... part of the whole "not normal" thing too?" Serenity finally looked up at him, "guess i'll have to figure this out by myself if it makes everything easier. Gives me another reason to go to the library now, I might as well look up some creatures and see what fits the description of... unordinary beings like you." Serenity didn't know what else to call him in a respectful way and so she chose "unordinary beings."

"If you say you're dangerous then why do I feel safe with you? That's what I mostly can't understand. You never hurt me..." It was the truth, for her at least. She just couldn't help that it was something about him that made her feel this way. She knew what his answer was going to be, she knew he'd say Serenity was wrong and that he really is dangerous plus he did say that a lot of times already.

[Hayden Logan]

"All right then Serenity. Go look up creatures in the library if you think that will help." Hayden muttered, the frustration was returning and he knew he shouldn't feel that way. He stared down into the water, wishing he could hear her thoughts then, hear the way she was processing this.

"That's where the problem is." He addressed the second set of comments. "You should be terrified, but you're not. You're different and I can't quite understand why." Hayden turned to look down at her. "If you knew what we were Serenity, you wouldn't feel nearly so keen to get close to us. Even Alice. Even Frank. We're not what you think we are." He couldn't help but look a tad intimidating. He wished she understood the extremity to which her referred.

"Look, this topic is getting sort of, well, old. If you don't find out what we are, and if you don't have a date already, I was wondering if you'd like to go to the Yule Ball with me? I would very much enjoy your company. If you do find out what we are before though, I completely understand if you choose to decline my invitation." He knew she had no date. Hayden kept strict tabs on her. He knew all the other boys would shy away should Hayden intervene. Serenity was the one he wanted to go with and that was made clear.

[Serenity Faywood]

She couldn't help but sigh to herself, what a depressing topic.... That is what she thought to herself as he spoke, but she never replied to his words, not this time. Her mind was to busy thinking what he could be, right now she made her guess as he was pretty close to the undead, who else can be a creature and yet a human, and with his heart dead he would be close to a zombie. Then she started to wonder if she was any close to her guess at all, when will she figure this out? Serenity just didn't have as much patience as most people did.

Serenity nodded in agreement to change the topic, and she was glad to get rid of it for now. Yet there was worse subject appearing, yule ball. She didn't put much thought into it even though the date to famous ball was getting closer and closer. Great... why did he have to bring this up, she couldn't move at all. All she could do was just to think carefully for an answer and he would probably be frustrated just waiting for a simple yes or no. "Well, I wasn't really planning to go and part of the reason why is that I am the worst at these type of events... and um there is a huge chance that I will go and mainly because of your sister as usual, oh just to get on with it... my answer would be yes." Serenity just gave up, there was no other way around this and she didn't want to depress him over this.

Badly, she wanted to quit this topic and thought of one of her random topics she brought up. "So... when's the next quidditch match for the hufflepuffs?" Hopefully he would accept this topic, she loves flying herself but never bothered on trying join the gryffindor quidditch team she guessed she'd probably get hurt easily in there. Still she loved flying under the sunlight as much as she loved drawing sceneries.

[Hayden Logan]

"Serenity, oh Serenity. How I wish you would hear the word I speak for I am only looking out for you." Hayden murmured. He ran a hand through his hair restlessly and moved over to the edge again, resting his elbows on the ledge in a rigid manner. Of course, now all she wanted to know was quidditch. Next she'd make a comment on how delicious the breakfast food was, as if Hayden could eat it! It was like she knew that he loved how human she was. He loved every little thing about her. How her words were strung together in slightly awkward sentences and how she couldn't just let him go. She was almost as stubborn as Hayden himself and that worried him on levels he could never word just right for her. He wished she'd find out what he was and run away fast and hard before she got hurt.

And what about Dumbledore? Hayden and all his family would be in deep trouble with Dumbledore the second the headmaster learned that he'd disobeyed the golden rules and fallen in love with a human. Not just a human, the most stubborn, danger prone, perfect human he could find. Yes, this definitely wouldn't blow over well at all.

"Well Serenity, our next quidditch match is this week. You should come and cheer for me if you don't hate me yet because I'd like that very much." Hayden sighed. For once, he really wished he led a normal life. He wished he could ask Serenity to the ball and not hope she'd find out he was a vampire and hate him. He wished he wasn't drawn to her in a deadly and purely vicious manner. Oh, the good times they could have had in a world where Hayden Logan was human.

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[Serenity Faywood]

"I'll definitly cheer for you then," she said with a little smile on her face. She was leaning on the rail of the bridge and stared at the lake again. "Let's just talk about something more... decent instead of "who you really are." Like what are your hobbies for example, besides playing quidditch and reading minds." Serenity didn't want to talk about the yule ball or him being something else, she found it rather depressing so Serenity wanted to talk about something more happier.

Serenity picked up a smooth flat stone from the ground and threw it across the lake. "I fail at skipping stones." She muttered and gave a sigh, staring at the ripples her now sinking stone created. Serenity gave a quick glance at Hayden, how perfect he was, like a god of some sort. Beautiful, no, beyond beautiful, she thought.

Even though she decided not to talk about what creature he is, she was still guessing in her head. Werewolf? Close, but doesn't fit, so that's off the list...centaur? Definitly not.... The guessing went on with every half human half creature or creatures with a human appearance that she could think of.